The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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