I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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