He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
