Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You ruined the universe
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