there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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