Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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