i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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