Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
