one might say we're banned from that church
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
