i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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