Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
