His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
