i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
