i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize