i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
