There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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