Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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