Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
