??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
