You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
