I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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