How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
