He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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