STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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