Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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