When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She bit a glass in half.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
