What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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