pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
