I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
