Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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