The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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