I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
