I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
