why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
