i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
