Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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