before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
