he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Randomize
