Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
