i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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