If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
