we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
