so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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