All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How's work?
Spinning.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
