It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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