I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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