i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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