Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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