Where is the hickey?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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