I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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