You don't have asthma, your pregnant
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
