I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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