I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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