You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
