i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
