The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize