I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
being pregnant is like rehab
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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