we're blogging at a bar
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
