i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
