not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
