saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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