I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
