was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
