He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
