You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
