You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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