our cab driver is having phone sex.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
