I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
